Handling What You Don't Like

May 24, 2023

Ever been faced with a behavior, character issue, or problem in your spouse that bugs you? We're probably all too familiar with the dynamic. You maybe hide your distaste and kinda inwardly stew about it, or you subtly nag, or you outright criticize.

What if, however, there's a better way? Try this:

Next time you're moving towards criticism, make a mental decision to instead ask some questions. Switch to curiosity. This will take you from focusing on a behavior to tuning into who they are as a person. Try, really seek to understand, what makes them tick.

This curiosity acts as a catalyst to what you're feeling. Done right, you'll feel your perspective and your emotions begin to change as you uncover aspects of your spouse's inner world that maybe you'd forgotten about or perhaps never known. 

The result is curiosity that will lead you to care. To be concerned about them, who they are, and their place in this world. You will have turned what bugs you into what leads you to see them differently, deeper, and more authentically.

Next time you want to be critical of your partner, remember this sequence:

  1. Feeling Critical of someone can be made valuable by becoming...
  2. Curious as to what makes them tick, and why they do what they do, which acts as a...
  3. CATALYST to change your perspective and emotions regarding them to the point of discovering a new level of
  4. Caring for them.

Which is really what marriage is all about, right?

Much love,

Rowan and Mara

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